Monday, July 19, 2010

Morning. Whoa. I am awake before a vast majority of the population. What I hear is peace. What the day will bring, I have not a clue. Right now I am Rachel. I am not a student, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a girlfriend. My only responsibility is…well… whatever I decide. For now, that has me here. Writing for the sole purpose that it feels good. What I would like to examine now actually coincides with this. What I have been putting some thought into lately is whether I too frequently just do things for temporary satisfaction. “If it feels good, do it”. I have become someone new. Someone who uses any occasion to party, to drink, to disobey. I look back on my thoughts and ideals from my freshman year and think “how na├»ve!”. Is it possible though that I have immatured throughout the past three years of high school? Maybe. I’ve turned into a hypocritical son-of-a-bitch as well. I go back on my word if that means that I feel happy. I say “feel” happy because this happiness is anything but legitimate. But isn’t life about being happy? That’s what someone once said, right? Have you not heard of “Carpe Diem”? I do value my spontaneity. I can at least give myself credit for that. I think planning is the most unecessary aspect of life. We plan, plan, plan… and for what? Whatever you are planning for will soon be over and done with, a thing of the past. That is why I find it imperative to exhilirate the spirit! Trust that gut feeling deep in the pit of your stomach and take risks. As far as my reevaltuation goes, it will have to wait for I have a class to attend in no time at all. Morning, I cannot figure out why I’ve always had such a problem with you. Probably because I stay up until it gets to the point that my eyes can no longer stay open. I don’t know why I push my body to these insanely grueling lengths. I always saw night as my friend. A companion who is with me through those lonely hours where I am the only one in their right mind who is awake by choice. However, morning, I have underestimated you. Prejudged you, even. You really are not all that bad.

Monday, June 14, 2010

A Hurricane

Without a warning, you come a long
Those clear blue skies are dead and gone
Those clear blue skies are gone
The waters were calm, I was sailing through life
Now I wonder if I’ll even survive
If the breeze will oneday come and take away the pain

But you’re like a hurricane
You saw, you conquered, right after you came
I could try to prepare myself for your wrath
Before you ruin everything and everyone in your path
But there’s no preparing for what you do
My only option is to wait till you’re through
I could always try and run away
But that’s not an option, not today
There is so much I’d be leaving behind

Your rage and destruction, it never seems to end
You’re no longer a brother, no longer a friend
I don’t know who you are, or what for that matter
You’re just a hurricane that has left this home shattered

Thursday, June 10, 2010

The Writing Life

It's not often that I actually read the passages on ACT practice tests and so on. With this, it was shocking to me that i actually was inspired greatly by one of them. Instead of skimming through these paragraphs like I usually do, I actually found myself taking much more time than I should have on this section. Out of 4 passages, this is the only thing I managed to read in 18 minutes. Not because I'm dyslexic or anything but because I was enjoying myself and didn't care to read about "how the Indians of America transformed the world". Instead, this was about writing. An excerpt adapted from Annie Dillard's The Writing Life. I know I will more than likely regret this decision in a couple of minutes, but I would like to copy it onto here for my personal gain. Here it goes!
When you write, you lay out a line of words. The line of words is a miner's pick, a woodcarver's gouge, a surgeon's probe. You wield it, and it digs a path you follow. Soon you find yourself deep in new territory. Is it a dead end, or have you located the real subject? You will know tomorrow, or this time next year.
You make the path boldly and follow it fearfully. You go where the path leads. At the end of the path, you find a box canyon. You hammer out reports, dispatch bulletins.
The writing has changed, in your hands, and in a twinkling, from an expression of your notions to an epistemological tool. The new place interests you because it is not clear. You attend. In your humility, you lay down the words carefully, watching all the angles. Now the earlier writing looks soft and careless. Process is nothing; erase your tracks. The path is not the work. I hope your tracks have grown over; I hope birds ate the crumbs; I hope you will toss it all and not look back.
The line of words is a hammer. You hammer against the walls of your house. You tap the walls, lightly, everywhere. After giving many years' attention to these things, you know what to listen for. Some of the walls are bearing walls; they have to stay, or everything will fall down. Other walls can go with impunity; you can hear the difference. Unfortunately, it is often the bearing wall that has to go. It cannot be helped. There is only one solution, which appalls you, but there it is. Knock it out. Duck.
Courage utterly opposes the bold hope that this is such fine stuff the work needs it, or the world. Courage, exhausted, stands on bare reality: this writing weakens the work. You must demolish the work and start over. You can save some of the sentences, like bricks. It will be a miracle if you can save some of the paragraphs, no matter how excellent in themselves or hard-won. You can waste a year worrying about it, or you can get it over with now. (Are you a woman, or a mouse?)
The part you must jettison is not only the best written part; it is also, oddly, that part which was to have been the very point. It is the original key passage, the passage on which you yourself drew the courage to begin.
Putting a book together is interesting and exhilarating. It is sufficiently difficult and complex that it engages all your intelligence. It is life at its most free. Your freedom as a writer is not freedom of expression in the sense of wild blurting; you may not let it rip. It is life at its most free, if you are fortunate enough to be able to try it, because you select your materials, invent your task, and pace yourself.
The obverse of this freedom, of course, is that your work is so meaningless, so fully for yourself alone, and so worthless to the world, that no one except you cares whether you do it well, or ever. You are free to make several thousand close judgement calls a day. Your freedom is a by-product of your days' triviality.
Here is a fairly sober version of what happens in the small room between the writer and the work itself. It is similar to what happens between a painter and a canvas.
First you shape the vision of what the projected work of art will be. The vision, I stress, is no marvelous thing: it is the work's intellectual structure and aesthetic surface. It is a chip of mind, a pleasing intellectual object. It is a vision of work, not of the world. It is a glowing thing, a blurred thing of beauty. Its structure is at once luminous and translucent; you can see the world through it.
Many aspects of the work are still uncertain, of course; you know that. You know that if you proceed you will change things and learn things, that the form will grow under your hands and develop new and richer lights. But that change will not alter the vision or its deep structures; it will only enrich it. You know that., and you are right.
But you are wrong if you think that in the actual writing, or in the actual painting, you are filling in the vision. You cannot fill in the vision. You cannot even bring the vision to light. You are wrong if you think you can in any way take the vision and tame it to the page. The page is jealous and tyrannical; the page is made of time and matter; the page always wins. The vision is not so much destroyed, exactly, as it is, by the time you have finished, forgotten.

I really just wanted to put this out there. It says a lot about my actual feelings on writing and why I choose to embrace it. At this point, I have to leave it at that before my fingers fall off from all this typing.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Time Most Certainly Flies

I've got to hand it to this thing called time. I was always told that it would pass in the blink of an eye, but nevertheless, I underestimated it. From last year to this year I think I look like the same person except with some boobs. I honestly can't say that I remember any 365 day period where I made a huge physical transformation. So I found myself thinking of how I looked in 7th grade and how I look now. Drastic change. But I can't remember when that change actually came about. I guess it all blends together.. Small continuous changes that we do not pick up on until we are looking in the mirror 5 years later saying: "Whoa, when did this happen?" But it's right now, the present, 2010. I'm much more content with my appearance than the 7th grade version of myself was. Who's to say what I'll walk around looking like in another 5 years? When I will be legally going to bars. I'm approaching the 2 month mark to the day that I've been waiting for since those days when my brothers would push me around in my playskool car. That's right! My seventeenth birthday is August 7th, which is when I will be getting my drivers license. So.... time, as we continue on in this love/hate relationship I will try to acknowledge the power you have over us all. I certainly didn't give you the credit that you so justly deserve.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Why is it that the only poetry that I have been inspired to write lately has been based on the assholes that come in and out of my life? Seeking a muse. An actual something in my life that I can find beauty in. Not just some annoyance that I wish to complain about using rhyme sequence. So, if you are or know who or what that something is that I need so very much. Please, please let me know?

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Down Unda

Really into a lot of music that's coming out of New Zealand right now... Who knew?!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Maturity Shmaturity

We are only young once. It's sad but true. We have to go on with our days accepting the basic idea that one day we will be old and grey and talking to our grandchildren about "what the kids are listening to these days". It happens. It is our job to take advantage of our youth because soon enough we will be living in regret over what could have been if we do not seize the day, Carpe diem. We will have plenty of time to be mature and responsible in the later years of our lives.. Why bother going through a school day and restraining yourself from letting loose because it would not be the "mature" thing to do? I think it is a waste of our precious time and energy to worry so much about making sure what we are doing is mature or not.