Monday, July 19, 2010

Morning. Whoa. I am awake before a vast majority of the population. What I hear is peace. What the day will bring, I have not a clue. Right now I am Rachel. I am not a student, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a girlfriend. My only responsibility is…well… whatever I decide. For now, that has me here. Writing for the sole purpose that it feels good. What I would like to examine now actually coincides with this. What I have been putting some thought into lately is whether I too frequently just do things for temporary satisfaction. “If it feels good, do it”. I have become someone new. Someone who uses any occasion to party, to drink, to disobey. I look back on my thoughts and ideals from my freshman year and think “how na├»ve!”. Is it possible though that I have immatured throughout the past three years of high school? Maybe. I’ve turned into a hypocritical son-of-a-bitch as well. I go back on my word if that means that I feel happy. I say “feel” happy because this happiness is anything but legitimate. But isn’t life about being happy? That’s what someone once said, right? Have you not heard of “Carpe Diem”? I do value my spontaneity. I can at least give myself credit for that. I think planning is the most unecessary aspect of life. We plan, plan, plan… and for what? Whatever you are planning for will soon be over and done with, a thing of the past. That is why I find it imperative to exhilirate the spirit! Trust that gut feeling deep in the pit of your stomach and take risks. As far as my reevaltuation goes, it will have to wait for I have a class to attend in no time at all. Morning, I cannot figure out why I’ve always had such a problem with you. Probably because I stay up until it gets to the point that my eyes can no longer stay open. I don’t know why I push my body to these insanely grueling lengths. I always saw night as my friend. A companion who is with me through those lonely hours where I am the only one in their right mind who is awake by choice. However, morning, I have underestimated you. Prejudged you, even. You really are not all that bad.